You might feel the urge to step in and protect your friend or loved one. But, the most important thing you can do as a friend or family member is start a conversation and listen. There are many ways to offer support, emotionally and practically.
You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters is that they know you’re someone they can trust. It’s okay if you feel unsure or nervous. The most important thing is to show up with care and respect their choices. Let your friend know that you’re there, that you believe them, and that they can talk to you if or when they’re ready. Even if they’re not ready to open up, your presence matters. When they do share:
Starting a conversation doesn’t always mean your friend will feel ready to open up right away. There are many reasons someone might not want to share what they’re going through, or why they may stay in the relationship. Fear, guilt, shame, love, safety concerns, financial dependence, or even concern for their partner can all play a role. Leaving isn’t always a simple or safe option, and for some, it can be the most dangerous time.
Practice self-care and seek support if you need it. Hearing stories of violence and abuse can have an impact on you too.
It’s likely your friend may be very worried about whether what they share will be kept private. Reassure them that you’ll respect their confidentiality. That sense of safety and trust can make it easier for them to keep opening up, or come to you again in the future.
Keep what they share private, unless they’ve asked you to connect them to someone, or there’s a serious risk that requires action. Know what your local laws say about mandatory reporting but be honest with your friend if you’re in a situation where you might need to share something for safety.
Remember, trauma doesn’t always look the way we expect. People may laugh, go silent, downplay the situation, or blame themselves. Try to stay grounded, gentle, and present.
There are many reasons someone might not talk about what they’re going through including fear, self-doubt, shame, or even concern for their partner. Abuse is complicated. And leaving isn’t always the safest, or most realistic option.
What helps most is offering support without pressure. Caring, honest conversations can help restore a sense of safety and control. Often, just knowing you’re there makes all the difference.