How do I know whom to trust with my story?

There’s never a perfect moment to speak up. But if it feels safe, thinking ahead about when and whom you want to tell can help you feel more prepared and in control. Remember, not everyone will respond the way you hope. Being ready for both supportive and unsupportive reactions can make it easier to decide your next steps.

What’s most important is that the person you tell is someone you feel safe with.

Talking about abuse is never easy. It’s completely normal to feel scared of being blamed, judged, or not believed.

You might not even know how to begin the conversation or what words to use. That’s okay. What matters most is that you choose someone you feel safe with. You can share as much or as little as you want, and in your own time, in your own words. It’s okay if you’re not ready to share everything right away.

There’s no perfect moment to speak up. But if it feels possible, planning when and whom you want to tell can help you feel more prepared and in control.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It’s a powerful step toward reclaiming your safety, care, and healing. Whether it's a friend, a family member, a counselor, a doctor, or a helpline, support is available. Some people find it easier to talk to someone they already know: Someone who has shown care or understanding before. Others might prefer starting with a helpline, where they can stay anonymous and take things at their own pace.

Be prepared for reactions that can be negative or positive.

Not everyone will respond the way you hope. Some may surprise you with their kindness. Others may react with discomfort, disbelief, or even silence.

These responses can be painful, especially when you’ve taken such a big step. It can help to remind yourself: Their reaction is not a reflection of your truth. It’s okay to feel hurt, but don’t let it stop you from reaching out again.

It might also be helpful to think ahead about how you might want to respond if someone says something unhelpful, or if they don't understand right away.

If the first person you tell doesn’t help you, tell someone else.

It’s not your fault if someone doesn’t respond with the support you need. If it’s possible and safe for you, try reaching out to someone else.

Keep looking for that one person who will listen without judgment, who will believe you, and stand by you.

Questions to consider when choosing someone.

Choosing the right person to talk to takes thought. Here are some questions that might help:

Have they been supportive or understanding in the past? Do they tend to be non-judgemental, kind, and empathetic? What are their beliefs around marriage, relationships, and family? Will they really listen to me without interrupting or making it about their own opinions or experiences? Can I trust them to keep what I say private?

You don’t have to get it perfectly right. You’re doing the best you can with what you know and that’s more than enough.

Learn More

How can I feel prepared to tell someone my partner is abusive?
Staying safe with an abusive partner
Staying safe if you're planning to leave an abusive partner