Staying safe while in an abusive relationship

Leaving your home or partner may not always be possible. That’s why it’s important to think about how you can stay as safe as possible when your partner is violent. This is called safety planning. The sections below will guide you through creating a simple plan, including steps to take if you have children, what to do during a violent incident, and how to stay safe afterward. Safety planning is a process, and you may need to revisit these questions as your situation changes. Take the ideas that work best for you. You can do this on your own, or with the support of someone you trust.

Yes. You get to decide what safety looks like for you.  Whether you choose to stay or leave an abusive relationship or partner, you can take steps to keep yourself and your children or family safe.


Remember, you are your best resource. You can notice warning signs if your partner may be violent towards you, your children, or family. You can start to think about how to stay safe, people who might be able to help, and what to do if you have to leave in an emergency.

A good safety plan is dynamic and recognizes that risks can change. 

 

It considers not only physical safety but also emotional safety and wellbeing too. It involves navigating difficult or confusing emotions, building a safety network of people and resources, and maybe police or legal action too.

You are not alone. One organization you can call is <number>. Even if you don’t feel ready to leave right now, you can still reach out from time to time to talk through your options and connect with someone who understands your situation.

  • I can tell a trusted friend/neighbor my situation and make a plan with them. I will use _________________ as my code word, action or signal so they can call for help if I need it. Be clear about what they should do if you use this code.
  • I can keep an emergency bag ready in a place where I can get to it quickly.
  • I can build a support system in ways I feel safe and able to. I can try to get involved with people and activities outside my home, whenever possible.
  • I will teach _________________ as a code word with my children so they know to call for help.
  • I can practice calling for help and leaving the house to go to a safer place (such as a neighbor’s house or a nearby shop) with them.
  • I can think about where “safer” places in the house might be in case my children are too young to leave the house or cannot leave safely.
  • I can tell my children that violence is never right even if someone they love is being violent, and that it is not their fault. I can make sure they know their priority is to stay safe and not to try to protect me.

Violent incidents may not always be avoidable. I can use some or all of these strategies:

  • I will trust my judgment and intuition. If the situation feels very serious, I can give my partner what they want to calm them down. I have to protect myself until I/we are out of danger.
  • If I expect an argument or violence, if possible, I can move to a “safer” space such as ____
  • If I decide to leave in a hurry, the first place I will go is______ (Consider nearby public places, a neighbor’s house, a police station, etc.) If I cannot go here, I will go to _____.
  • If the violence is unavoidable, I can _____ (Think about strategies to make yourself a small target such as curling up in a ball, moving to a “safer” space away from objects that can be used as weapons)
  • I know where and how to seek medical help, if I need it
  • I can call the police and file a complaint, if its safe for me to do so
  • I can contact a local NGO that supports people experiencing domestic violence 
  • I can safely take photos and keep a record of evidence of injuries, damaged property or clothes, etc, and save this in case I need it for a police or legal case