Safety planning while leaving an abusive partner

Leaving an unhealthy or violent relationship can be dangerous. It is a process, not a single action. When an abusive partner senses loss of control, the violence may escalate. Planning ahead can help lower risks and give you more options in case of an emergency. This is called safety planning. The sections below will guide you through steps you can take to prepare for leaving safely, including packing essentials, how to find support, and planning where to go.

It can help to write down or record your safety plan, but only if it feels safe to keep a copy. Even without a record, you can still think through your options. You may choose to use this tool on your own, or with the support of someone you trust. You can also reach out to a helpline or counsellor at [xxxxx], who are experienced in helping people create safety plans.

  • Where I will stay: I can go to ____________________ (for example, a trusted person’s home, an NGO, or a government-run shelter). I will save the addresses somewhere safe. I can also ask someone I trust to find out the procedure for admission to a shelter home.
  • How I will get there: I will travel by ____________________. (Buses in Delhi are free for women. Some NGOs may also help pay for transport.)
  • Money: I can begin saving some money to help me leave, if possible. (This could include opening a savings account, hiding cash, or other safe options.)
  • Emergency bag: I can pack and store essential items in a safe place, including:
    • Identification documents (AADHAAR card, birth certificate, driver’s licence, bank documents, passport)
    • Legal papers (orders of protection, housing papers, divorce or custody papers, health insurance)
    • Medicines and prescriptions
    • Extra clothes, keys, phone charger, cash
    • Photos or keepsakes
    • Special toys or items for children

You know your situation best. Choose what feels safe and possible for you. If things don’t go as planned, think through back-up options.
What is the safest time to leave? (Notice your partner’s patterns of behaviour.)
Where will I go, and how will I get there?
Who are the people I trust who can help me?

  • Don’t tell your partner you are planning to leave. Try to do it when they are away.
  • If you must leave while they are home, think of believable excuses you could use.
  • If you have to leave while in the same place as your partner, choose a public place, and if possible, have someone you trust nearby.

  • If you move to a transitional place like a shelter or a friend or family’s home, consider:

    • Do I need extra safety measures if my ex-partner might try to find me? (e.g., keep your address hidden, ask trusted people not to share it, use a new phone, and protect your digital privacy.)
    • How can I make my regular places safer (like work or school)? (e.g., ask colleagues to watch out for your ex-partner, change your travel routes, and keep emergency contacts saved on your phone.)
    • Can I keep a record of unwanted behaviour? (Write down dates, times, and details, save screenshots or audio of threatening messages. This can help if you seek legal action.)

Abusive partners often use technology to monitor or track you. You can increase digital safety by:

  • Changing phone, email, and social media passwords regularly
  • Updating privacy settings and turning off location, camera, and microphone on apps
  • Using two-factor authentication where possible
  • Not accepting unknown friend requests on social media
  • Asking friends not to tag you in photos or posts, and to alert you if they see threats or strange activity connected with your accounts
  • Having your phone or computer checked for spyware, keylogging, or tracking software by a reliable provider
  • Considering a new phone and SIM card your ex-partner has never had access to