Second, it’s understandable to hope your partner will change, or to feel like you’re the only one who can help them. But abuse is about control. Even if your partner is in counselling or seeking support, change isn’t guaranteed. Many abusive partners continue being violent, abusive, and controlling despite treatment. Real change is rare without deep accountability and consistent effort.

Third, abusive partners often promise to stop or ask for another chance. They may even believe what they say in the moment, but often their real aim is to maintain control and stop you from leaving. If your partner has stopped certain abusive behaviours, making excuses, or minimizing the problem, those are good signs.

However, you need to make your decision based on who they are now and not the person you hope they might become in the future.

Finally, it’s incredibly difficult to go through an abusive relationship. The simple but difficult answer is that there is likely no single strategy that you can use to safely talk to an abusive partner to get them to stop being abusive, or to get them to understand and validate your feelings. It may be difficult to hear this, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have options. Remember, you are not alone.