What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Every relationship is different, but all relationships should feel respectful and equal. 

 

All healthy relationships have conflicts, but how we handle them matters. It should feel mutual, safe, and respectful. You should never feel afraid, or silenced. In healthy relationships, disagreements are moments to grow together, not tear each other down.

In a healthy relationship, both you and your partner are:

  • Honest
  • Equal 
  • Trusting
  • Sharing your thoughts and concerns
  • Listening to each other without fear
  • Supportive of each other’s choices and goals
  • Spending time together and also having space for your own time
  • Encouraging one another to explore new experiences
  • Respecting each other’s interests and hobbies
  • Sharing financial responsibilities and decisions

If you notice warning signs or red flags, don’t ignore them. Sometimes a partner might say these behaviours are just how they show “love” or “care.” Some of these behaviours may also be considered normal in your culture, religion, or community which can make it harder to recognise them as harmful. Even if your situation looks different, many signs of abuse share similarities. Ask yourself:

  • Does your partner call or message you constantly?
  • Do they make you feel guilty for spending time with friends?
  • Do they get jealous or possessive?
  • Do they try to control what you wear or how you look?
  • Do they stop you from seeing your family or friends?
  • Is their behaviour unpredictable — loving one moment, and angry or aggressive the next?
  • Do they criticize you, make you feel small, or like everything you do is wrong?
  • Do they blame you for their problems?
  • Do they ignore your needs or push past your boundaries?
  • Do they threaten to hurt you, your loved ones, or themselves?
  • Do you often feel afraid, nervous, or like you’re “walking on eggshells”?
  • Have they ever pushed, hit, choked, or physically hurt you?
  • Do they pressure or force you to have sex or go further than you want to?

It’s okay to feel unsure. If or when you feel ready, you can create a safety plan or reach out to someone you trust or a support service. You deserve to talk to someone who will listen without judgment, and who can help you explore your options.

Ask yourself: Does my partner?

Make love feel like control and surveillance, not trust

  • Constantly call or send messages

  • Make me feel guilty for or stop you from seeing friends

  • Act jealous and possessive

  • Control what I wear or how I look

  • Not include me in financial decisions and controls money

 

Leave me feeling small, afraid or ignored? 

  • Criticize or make you feel small

  • Blame you for their problems

  • Ignore your needs or boundaries

  • Make you feel like everything you do is wrong
Make me feel isolated or manipulate me?

  • Stop me from seeing loved ones

  • Make me feel dependent or alone

  • Threaten self-harm to stop me from leaving
Act unpredictability

  • Loving one moment, angry the next

  • Make me feel unsafe, scared, or anxious

  • Threaten to hurt me or others

Physically or sexually abuse me

  • Push, hit, choke, or hurt me

  • Pressure or force me to have sex

  • Ignore my sexual boundaries

If you answered yes to any of these questions, know this: Abuse is never your fault. You are not alone and support is available.